Sabbatical

September 15, I told the world, at least my world, that I was leaving my job at the church. I would no longer be the Associate Director of Youth Ministries after three absolutely insanely chaotic and beautiful years. I loved that job, that church and those people more than I thought I could - so much that it hurt, but it was time to leave. Sometimes, the hardest thing is the wisest thing.


Teary-eyed, I wrote a letter to the congregation and started planning three very busy weeks of breakfasts, lunches, coffees and dinner. I spent time with people who had changed me. I spent time with people who made me laugh. I spent time with people who encouraged me. I spent time with people who challenged me. I spent time with people who invited me into their lives with incredible grace. It was a gift.


My last day at work was Wednesday, October 7.


Five days later, on a Monday, I packed up my car and started driving. To Colorado. It was amazing. 30 days at "home." I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I fell asleep at 7 o'clock the first night I was in Colorado Springs. Apparently, I needed it. I laughed, explored and reconnected with community. I was able to participate in a friend's wedding and all the excitement leading up to that. I played with the cutest children in the whole wide world, slept in, read books for fun, ran in the mountains, drank coffee and laughed. A lot.


I returned to Austin for only a few days before heading to Atlanta. Job interview. Youth Ministry Convention. 15 hours back in Texas. Chicago for Thanksgiving.


December.


The two months since I left my job flew past quickly. I blogged daily while I was in Colorado - mostly pictures. But then that faded. Christmas parties, The Broken Spoke and concerts occupied my nights, and errands, working out and lunches filled my days.


In the process of deciding to leave my job, I made a list of all the things that I wanted to do while I was unemployed. I slightly feared getting bored. I wondered how I'd fill my time. There were projects that had been stewing in my mind for years. There were books that I thought I should read. There were potential adventures to be had. There were goals to be met. There was a list. A rather intense list.


It was a fun list. A list about which I was excited. Nonetheless, like so many other times, life unfolded differently. I am continually busy. Fun busy. I am continually looking forward to my days and wondering where the time goes. I thought I'd blog more. Like every day more. But, as you can see, I've barely posted at all since returning to Texas. I'm not sure why or how or what I was thinking. It just didn't happen. At first, that made me a little frustrated with myself. But I'm OK with it because I'm OK with how much time I've had to rest, play and laugh. I have no idea how I fit a job into my life and am actually sleeping in.


Yes, I'm sleeping in.


[For those of you who know me well, sleeping in regularly is actually shocking. Yup. Go figure?!]


With all this time and life, I realized the other day that I'm feeling like "me" again. In the process of stepping back from my last job, someone who is older and wiser told me that he had seen me struggling. I wanted to fight back. I wanted to prove that I was OK. I wanted to show the world that circumstances couldn't negatively effect me like that. But they did. And I was exhausted.


The idea of rest in the Bible is generally referred to as a gift. God didn't set the example after creating the world because He needed it. I mean, after all, he's God. He is not required live within the bounds of the world that He created. He gave us the Sabbath because He knew that we needed it. He knew that we'd be tired. He knew that we'd work hard. He knew that we needed time with Him and physical rejuvenation. He gives us rest.


My situation was unique. Rarely can a 30-year-old, responsible person take four months to not work. God used circumstances I could have never predicted to give this gift of rest. And I am thankful.


But now I'm ready. I'm ready to get back in the race. My feet are positioned on the starting blocks, and I'm starting to crouch down. The gun will blast, and I'll start to run. I have a job. It stats in about three weeks. And I'm excited.


Tears will flow when the good-byes actually happen. There will be hugs and laughter. I'll have a whole new community and city to miss. I'll drive out of town on I35 probably wondering what was thinking when I agreed to move across the country. Again. But it's good. Now that I'm rested up for this next adventure.